bikers

Harleys seem to be the bikes everyone loves to hate.  I have to confess, before I became a Harley owner myself, I shared some of these ideas. Let me know if any of them sound familiar….

Harleys can’t go round corners, can’t stop, can’t be relied on. They cost too much and leak oil everywhere. They weigh the same as a small armoured personnel carrier and scrape their saggy frames over the slightest dent in the road. Their engine is based on the power plant of a failed tractor. They can go quite fast though. 80mph on a good day. Eventually. In a straight line. They make so much noise they set off any car alarm within a half mile radius. Form replaces function in an orgy of chrome, spangly paint jobs with flaming skulls, panniers with half an inch clearance from the road. In many cases, the complete removal of the rear suspension and extension of the forks makes them even more unrideable.  And then there’s  stereotyped ideas about the people who ride Harleys….

Speak to most bikers, and Harleys are usually ridden by bank managers, executives, insurance salesmen or dentists, who want to look cool on the weekends. They like nothing better than to ride twenty miles to Starbucks, where they can coo over each others bikes while drinking caramel lattes and talking about exhaust pipes and awesome rides to the Harley dealer to buy T shirts. They all wear Harley branded gear, which means they can’t really wear any proper protection, and the really radical ones grow beards and wear large metal bracelets and bandanas. Corporate-branded bikers who can’t actually ride very well. 

Or, there’s another stereotype;  this stereotype is more commonly held by the general public, as opposed to other bikers. In this iteration, Harley riders  are dirty, unwashed, smelly middle aged men with bloodshot eyes and beer bellies. They like making noise and leering at your daughter through matted facial hair full of bits of the last pie they ate , and battering strangers to a pulp for looking at them. They drink heavily, and refer to their girlfriends as “the bitch”. They never wash their bikes and ride around in gangs. They ride bikes that are held together with zip-ties and wire, scratched matte paint that looks like it was applied with a coarse brush. The rear suspension has been removed and replaced with a rigid frame, bought off Ebay or welded together by a mate, and they have chopped enough off the rear fender off to have a permanent stain up the back of their jacket. They like nothing better than terrorising traffic in huge groups as they thunder along the motorway. They rebuild wrecked and stolen bikes in cold sheds while drinking beer, with the assistance of a friend to chop lines, roll joints and keep Metallica playing.

As I said, I probably shared some of these ideas.

Then we moved to Qatar. It’s a pretty Conservative country. It’s pretty boring, unless you love shopping and sand. After a while, my wife and I met some bikers there. They seemed much more interesting than the weekend barbecue set. They also let us into a little secret; the Qatari people also like Harleys. In fact, they love them, especially blingy baggers. So, when you are on the road, disguised in your bike gear, the foreigners who make up the vast majority of the populace assume you might be a local, and causing you to come off your bike might result in them being flogged, imprisoned, fined a years wages, or deported. So they make sure they make way for you.  Jackie had always wanted a Sportster; she actually had a picture of one on her fridge when I met her. So we bought two 1200 Sportsters. Both of us hadn’t ridden bikes for 20 years or so. Buying a new bike comes with automatic membership of HOG (Harley Owners Group) for one year, so we started going for rides with the local HOG chapter, and met some great people, many of whom actually were bank managers and insurance salesmen. Then one Friday, we went for a ride with a local MC.  And these were actually really nice people. Not a 1% club, like the MC’s in the UK, but a group of very cool dudes who loved riding motorcycles and hanging out together. 

After a year of riding with Wataweet, we both became prospects, and, eventually fully patched members. I started looking at bigger bikes. One day, I took my Sportster for a service and the dealer lent me a Softail Slim, no doubt in the hopes that I would buy one.  I loved the Slim. Low seat, lots more power, great handling, and it looks pretty good too.  The one I bought had been customised by a fellow pilot. He blacked the whole bike out, which was very attractive to me, as the idea of polishing chrome or even washing my bike doesn’t appeal.

Not long after this, Jackie got a new bike too, a Heritage Softail, which she loves as much as I love my Slim. It’s got some chrome on it, but she doesn’t mind the odd bit of polishing.

So, why do I love my Slim so much? Well, how many bikes make you grin like a kid every time you get on them? How can you not love a low revving, high torque, 1690cc motor? Pls, being a short-arse, it’s very low, so I can flat-foot it. The centre of gravity is so low it will almost stand up on it’s own. It is also very comfortable, though only since I made a few mods. When I first bought the bike, it already had the ape-hanger bars on it; I originally intended to replace them with stock handlebars. By the time I got around to looking for some, I had changed my mind. Although they look very high, when sitting on the bike my hands are below shoulder height, so no numbness or tingling of fingers after an hour or so in the saddle. I got rid of the stock seat (which is awful), replacing it with a Mustang seat with a backrest. The backrest actually transformed the bike. With the apes, the upright position is not conducive to fast motorway riding. Above about 65mph, it feels like you are hanging on for dear life. A 300km trip through a sandstorm at high speed in Jordan convinced me of the need for a backrest. Now the bars are very comfortable. What I have noticed the most with these bars, is how intuitive counter-steering is. In fact, there’s no sensation of doing anything else. I don’t have to lean; if I want to go right, I pull on the left grip. If I want to tighten the turn, I pull harder. It’s very controllable, and very simple. Moving around on the saddle isn’t go to do much on a 304 kg bike anyway. Footboards are so much better than pegs imo. You can move your feet around. The bike obviously won’t lean as much as a pointy plastic bike, but it is incredibly stable in corners. The slimmer rear tyre means it’s actually pretty nimble. It’s rare that I scrape the boards, as I know exactly when they are going to connect with the road. The engine has torque available in any gear and at almost any RPM.

Now we are back in the UK. We brought three bikes back with us., the Slim, the Heritage and Jackies Sportster, which we actually shipped to the UK while we were still in Qatar. We can’t wear our patches here, but we still meet up with Wataweet for a tour once a year. Last year was Italy, the year before, Scotland. We go to 5 or 6 rallies a year, favouring the smaller MCC rallies.  I have done 3 trips around Scotland, one to Lands End on A and B roads, several trips to London, and I use the Slim year round for commuting. The bike now has 34 000 miles on it. I will never replace it. I am planning on getting a Royal Enfield Himalayan, but as an additional, off road capable, adventure machine. Meanwhile, the adventures continue on the Harleys.

I’ve recently put a windscreen on the bike; not a Harley one, but a generic screen off Ebay. I commute all year on the bike, so figure I’m allowed some wind protection, even though my club-mates say it looks wrong. The only other mod on the bike I have done since buying it is to change the front brake lever with an Oberon adjustable lever, which is easier to pull, and replaced the stock tyres with Michelin 888’s. These tyres really surprised me with how good they are in the wet, and how they don’t track tar-snakes. And belt drive…I just don’t understand why all bikes aren’t belt drive. No adjustments or servicing needed, super reliable, and they don’t get covered in dirt and need replacing every 20000 miles.

If you like rallies or camping, which we both do, then a Harley is definitely the way to get there. They can carry a lot of gear. Jackie and myself have been to several rallies the last few summers, bikes loaded up with camping gear and everything including the kitchen sink. Yep, really; a kitchen sink. How many of you take a kitchen sink on a camping trip? And a potty? My wife also has a bed; we have a table, 2 chairs, 2 mattresses, a twin burner stove; all the comforts we need for our large tent, standing room throughout, which was nicknamed “The Bungalow” at one rally we went to last year

So how does being loaded up like this affect the bike? To be honest, the only thing I notice that’s different, is that the fuel consumption goes up.(I am not going to pretend fuel economy is great to start with; my car is actually more economical).  Performance seems the same. Comfort is unaffected. Handling is also unaffected, save that I am guessing the brakes must be a bit less efficient (though I’ve not noticed).

How about traffic? I often get asked how big heavy bikes like the Slim or my wife’s Heritage fare in traffic. Well, I commute on it, and I don’t get stuck in traffic. The bike is great for filtering. The bars are above the height of normal car wing mirrors (though in Qatar the bars were the same height as the mirrors on the standard vehicle, white Land Cruisers. I confess I hit a fair number of them). The low C of G means it’s very stable at low speed. The loud pipes mean I never need to use the horn; a blip on the throttle does just as well. To be honest, I couldn’t tell you if the horn actually works. The three lights on the front, and the size of the bike, means I’m pretty visible. On the way to a rally a few months ago, we got caught up in a huge traffic jam on the M62, during Friday rush hour. Jackie led the way, and we filtered for 20 miles or so. After a few miles, we passed a guy hunched in the foetal position on his Yamasuki Ninjablade, who was also threading his way through traffic. He slotted in behind me and filtered with us for twenty miles or so before giving us a wave as he peeled off on his exit.

The bike will cruise effortlessly at 85mph. Do I really want to go faster than that? Not on a public road. The Slim is great on any road that is tarmac, however twisty, narrow or steep it is. Riding it up Hardknott Pass was a total blast (Video is on YouTube https://youtu.be/NycaojqS7cY if). I can (and do) do 10 hour days on the bike without any aches. I often see people peeling themselves off their Kwakabusa’s, clad in their thin, cold, leather power-ranger suits, taking ten minutes to straighten out their bodies, like they have just crawled out of a Kinder egg after a lengthy gestation. Though, I have also seen guys getting off hard-tail Harleys looking like they need new kidneys. While I like form, function takes precedence. I am as bemused by 30 grand flaming skull choppers that look unrideable, as I am by seeing 200bhp bikes that belong on a race-track being ridden on public roads.

 

But who cares? I’m very happy with my bike, and, whatever anyone else rides, it’s their choice. At least they are riding. I can’t see me ever buying a different road bike, but I guess I am now a Harley guy. I’ve even got a beard.